poet #1: Whiskey Words & Shovel I

page 4

and so it happens, nothing is the same. everything altered by overtrusting and believing in someone who fed you beautiful lies, when all you ever wanted was the truth. this has been my biggest problem, a major issue in my life, investing all of my hopes and dreams into someone who never actually meant the things they said, someone incapable of keeping their word, and I'd only come to find out when everything had begun falling apart. there's this slow collapse happening around you, but you're blind to it because you hold on to what little hope you have left. looking back now, I should've known better. the red flags were all around me, but I was blinded by a love that was tainted and promises that later revealed themselves as empty.

page 5

i let this go on for years, i stayed when i should've left, and i'd continue to fight and not be fought for. there i was, thinking it could never happen to me but it did. the slow burning of everything i built upon a foundation that was sand, washed away by the floods of deceit. damaged at the point of betrayal but after i healed myself, i found my truth and discovered a greater love for myself.

page 10
taken away

who robbed you of innocence

who told you things

you've never heard

who made empty promises

swearing to God

that they'd do something

they never actually intended to

who was your first

who took your virginity

with meaningless compliments

and a love that wasn't genuine

who made you feel things

your heart wasn't prepared for

who fooled you into falling

i'll tell you who

the same person

who later abandoned you

after getting what they wanted

the same person who pulled

at your heartstrings

with the intent of playing you

like some horrible symphony

and the saddest part of it all

you'll cling to the good memories

as if they were any

you'll take this dirty walls

and paint over them

with the brightest colors

known to man

but the pain will always be there

page 29
split

you were never the one

this was never love

and we were never meant

to live happily together

you were simply necessary

i had to be hurt by you

in order to find my strength

page 46
12:16 after midnight

i was forced

to survive

in your absence

i was faced

with the realization

that i never needed you

page 49
processing

i'm trying to get better

at walking away

from unhealthy situations

involving my heart

page 58
we're guarded

guarded because i know betrayal

guarded because of lies

guarded because of my pain

guarded because my love

is not for everyone

page 84
my energy misplaced

loving you was draining

instead of wasting

my emotional energy

i decided to forgive you

and move on

page 99
this peacefulness

first

i missed you

then i learned

to live without you

i found comfort in your absence

i made peace with being alone

page 115
fragments

i tried

you left

stay gone

page 117
the burial site

and so i suppress

these feelings with whiskey

i bury you with my words

then cover what we were

with dirt

page 134
witnessed

i've seen women fight

i've seen women break

i've watched women fall

w've witnessed women

pick themselves up

i've observed women

be everything and still get treated

like they're nothing

and even through all of that

i've seen women get through it

i know it hurts

but you're strong my lady

you're going to be fine

page 143
a solid regret II.

today wasn't easy

tomorrow will even harder

i've accepted my fate

my punishment for allowing you reenter my life

without good reason

your hidden motives

and bad intentions

revealed to me once more

after you took what you wanted

leaving me to feel empty 

and filled with regret

of believing in you again

page 184
demolish temptation.

she knew i was taken

she knew i was in love

she offered up herself

but i declined, i said no

see, pussy can only sway

a weak man

strong men refuse to stray

my love for my lover

is so much stronger

than anything anyone else

could ever offer me

page 202
a search for love.

so many angels

are going through hell

in search of love

dating demons

page 211
not forcing.

i can't force you

to be faithful

loyal

and honest

i can't make you

appreciate everything

that i am

but i can force you

to live without me

as i invest my time

in someone better than you

page 212
the life lessons.

through relationships

i learned that someone 

who is yours

can never be taken away

and if for any reason

you lose your lover

to someone else

that person never deserved 

to be claimed by you

page 232
great regret.

in all seriousness

i thought this was real

i believed in you

and that's my greatest regret

page 284
your potential.

you were everything

i should have avoided

but i stared into your potential

instead of paying attention

to our reality

the truth is, you were never

the one

and i can finally admit it